I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
