I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
