I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
