Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
