Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
