operation harelip BJ is a go
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
