She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
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