...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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