oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
