He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
