genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
