I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
