After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
