you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
