you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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