I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
