Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
