I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i came on her dog
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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