actually, I'm a sock model
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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