I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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