Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
