oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
