She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
