Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
