I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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