Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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