just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
