I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
