I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
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He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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