Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
