Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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