you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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