The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
