failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize