she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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