I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
