Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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