KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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