all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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