Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
