Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
