My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
This is the high leading the old right now
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
