So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
did i walk over a car last night?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Randomize
