You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
