just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Michael Bay diarrhea
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
