Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
