Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
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so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
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After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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