Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
