You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
