he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
