It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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