In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
