this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
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