An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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