woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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