I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
