he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
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EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
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I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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