i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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