so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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