bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He felt like a one man threesome
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
