As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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