my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
