I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
