I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
