The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
