swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
