What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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