My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
she told me i tasted like america
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
