Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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