I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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