so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
