my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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