just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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